thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
