Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
