Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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