Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
