I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
