i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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