Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The uberlube is also flammable
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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