I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
