so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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