I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
