every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
