barbara walters just said penis...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
