whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
soo... how was my night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
