The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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