Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
