I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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