Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think i peed on brittanys purse
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
