I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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