he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
