And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
