Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
