youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
