Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
