I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
