I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
