I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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