I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize