A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
babies were throwing up all over the place
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
