WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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