Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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