i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
