just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
