Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
