I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
