Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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