just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
be right there i have to get my cape
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He has the fingertips of a God
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