Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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