So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
