This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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