Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
