I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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