Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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