Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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