I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
