maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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