Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
