we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize