so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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