i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
