in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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