I need to stop coming to work sober
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
