I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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