You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
