That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
