Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
FUCK WHALES
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