Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
