she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
