I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
