Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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