need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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