I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
