Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think i got beer on your cat.
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