Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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