i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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