At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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