What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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