Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
