I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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