But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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